Loneliness

Now this is a subject no one wants to talk about.  It's embarrassing to admit that we're lonely.  It could mean we don't have many friends to talk to.  Or we've lost someone and don't know how to replace them.  Or we isolate ourselves because we're embarrassed about something, we don't fit in the "norm".  We all probably experience some form of these in our life.  I didn't always feel lonely like I do now.  Maybe seeing my peers with families and children I've come to appreciate that phase of building something with someone you love.  I live a full life, I serve, I work, I play, but then I come home to an empty house.  The name of this blog is from a story about two lovers searching for one another... Majnun and Layli.  Did I prophesize how difficult this search would be?  I took a trip a few years ago to this beach and read a book.  At some point, I looked to the side imagining someone there and I questioned why I was there?  Was I just distracting myself to avoid another weekend alone?  These trips, this kind of entertainment, it just comes and goes... and I want the permanent.  I want to build something without feeling like it's temporal.  Of course, I can with my family, friends, and neighbors, I love those moments where we connect and grow closer, but there's something instinctual about finding a partner.  Maybe this kind of loneliness is built into our DNAs to move us closer to each other?  Maybe hers is moving her closer to me right now and later we'll think this loneliness is a gift that helped bring us together.  This feeling has certainly helped me recognize the need to connect to one another, to build something lasting, to have meaningful conversations and interactions, to focus our energy on the permanent and everlasting.  And maybe my loneliness is just a small representation of how lonely we are as a society.  If I can feel this way, with a loving family, wonderful friends, a healthy life, how much more so would it be without any of those?  So before it becomes 2018, I think I'll make it a goal this next year to apply the teachings that come from loneliness, in hopes that it will bring a little more connectedness and comfort to all my relationships.  Happy New Year 💛

Awareness

It's been a long time since my last post.  My life took a few unexpected turns and it's been hard getting back on track... of course I didn't get on the same track that I was on but it has elements of the love and joy I felt before just with a dash more awareness.  Reading this blog is like opening up a time capsule.  I'm very different than the person who wrote in here before yet I'm still me, I still feel that person inside me, recognize what he thought was valuable and why, yet I also feel like a stranger here, my perspective has somewhat shifted.  Should I continue writing to no one in particular about things that will probably change again in the next 5 years?  

Maybe it's important to write down how we feel and what we think about.  At least then we can see how far we've gone and if we find ourselves circling back to the same path we know we can take a different one.  So I guess I'll keep writing, in hopes of creating more self awareness.

Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card

Any book which focuses on father - son relationships pulls on my heartstrings which will be forever taut.  But not every book makes it to my thoughts and resonates with my beliefs so thoroughly.  The purpose of Speaker for the Dead, is stated by the author:  to make a book which would tell the truth about someone's life, not a saint, but someone who is utterly cruel and evil.  Of course that's paraphasing and the book is about way more than I feel like writing tonight but it's interesting anyway.  Why would an author want to write the truth about someone cruel?  He said because the cruelest thing someone can do after a person dies is lie about them in order to remake their life to how you see fit.  That erases who they are which truly kills them.  The hardest thing to do is tell the truth even though you know it will cause much pain and possibly much suffering to do it.  He describes the pain like unto a hot iron which cauterizes a wound.  The truth will eliminate the lies and the cycle or patterns of life we've set up to carry those lies will also be eliminated.  This book is about exactly that.  The truth will eliminate destructive patterns.  Why?  The author explains that as well.  Knowing the truth allows love to take form.  We were not made to love lies, we were made to love the truth.  It is our foundation and so knowing a truth is really recognizing what we already knew to be true, it is knowing ourself, and it is knowing our Maker.  Try it out sometime, if there is anyone or anything you feel anger and hate towards, spend sometime getting to know the truth about them.  I bet you come away much richer from the experience than if you decided to build that hate into your life.

Life in a Day

What an amazing film! I can't believe I hadn't heard of this.  Basically this film was made from citizens around the world and what they recorded on July 24th, 2010.  The directors took this footage (over 4,500hrs) and wove a story about us and what our lives reflect all over the world on the same day.  Looking into the lives of all these people I couldn't help but to feel a deep connection and appreciation for the diversity we represent.  From race, religion, expressions, thoughts, behaviors, routines, jobs, there's so much in this film that the directors don't explain which adds to the viewers experience and interpretation.  We are truly a complex and beautiful race. Life in a day.

Frankenstein or the Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley

This book was a totally new experience compared to the one I had in 8th grade or so.  My ideas of who the creature that Frankenstein created were completely erroneous.  This book is genius and written in genius form.  Please forget everything you think you know from your middle school encounter and re-explore this masterpiece again.  Make sure you are not reading some dumbed down version.  The prose should flow like this:

"Begone! I will not hear you. There can be no community between you and me; we are enemies. Begone, or let us try our strength in a fight, in which one must fall."

"How can I move thee? Will no entreaties cause thee to turn a favourable eye upon thy creature, who implores thy goodness and compassion? Believe me, Frankenstein: I was benevolent; my soul glowed with love and humanity: but am I not alone, miserably alone? You, my creator, abhor me; what hope can I gather from your fellow-creatures, who owe me nothing? they spurn and hate me. The desert mountains and dreary glaciers are my refuge. I have wandered here many days; the caves of ice, which I only do not fear, are a dwelling to me, and the only one which man does not grudge. These bleak skies I had, for they are kinder to me than your fellow-beings. If the multitude of mankind knew of my existence, they would do as you do, and arm themselves for my destruction. Shall I not then hate them who abhor me? I will keep no terms with my enemies. I am miserable, and they shall share my wretchedness. Yet it is in your power to recompense me, and deliver them from an evil which it only remains for you to make so great that not only you and your family, but thousands of others, shall be swallowed up in the whirlwinds of its rage. Let your compassion be moved, and do not disdain me. Listen to my tale: when you have heard that, abandon or commiserate me, as you shall judge that I deserve. But hear me. The guilty are allowed, by human laws, bloody as they are, to speak in their own defence before they are condemned. Listen to me, Frankenstein. You accuse me of murder; and yet you would, with a satisfied conscience, destroy your own creature. Oh, praise the eternal justice of man! Yet I ask you not to spare me: listen to me; and then, if you can, and if you will, destroy the work of your; hands."

A conversation between Victor Frankenstein and his creation before the novel truly unfolds.  Now go read this book.